if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
