I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
