I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize