An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
