Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
