the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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