I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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