I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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