I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
NoShamevember. You game?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
