You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
