That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just want nice things and good sex
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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