Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
