Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
