She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
