so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
