and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
