Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
