i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize