I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
thus making me awesome and them whores
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
