...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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