u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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