I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
