did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just pee around me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
