Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
