Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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