I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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