AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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