i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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