Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think my vagina is haunted
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize