She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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