my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize