the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
