on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
