I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
