You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
