How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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