Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
