Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
