but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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