For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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