weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
