Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize