I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
