just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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