There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I could fuck to npr.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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