you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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