He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
