sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
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