problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
