i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the condom got lost in my hair
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
