I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
