i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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