Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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