wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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