it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
