I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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