i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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