yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
