Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
