I'm gonna have a badass scar
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
