I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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