I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
