in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I love having hate sex.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
