Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
