i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
