when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
